“How can I keep from singing?”- by Allison Haskell

My mom likes to say I’ve been singing since before I could talk. I’m not sure if that’s true, but it does show that singing is something that has always come very naturally for me. Knowing that music was something I was into, my youth pastor gave me my first guitar in eighth grade, I learned my first four chords, and suddenly found myself in the realm of worship leading.

I could share a million things about leading worship as a vocalist, but the most important thing I’ve learned is that it’s not about me. For a little background, I’m a performer. I did theatre all growing up and performed in countless concerts and recitals in undergrad. But leading worship is not a performance. I’ve caught myself pursuing excellence for the sake of my own pride- not for the glorification of the Lord. I struggle with wanting to sound perfect and hit all the high notes just right so that people will think I’m a good singer or to prove myself in some way, rather than simply singing to honor the Lord. I struggle with wanting people to listen to me sing rather than leading them in worship. Pride pride pride. It is not about me. 

As a vocalist, it is ultimately my job to lead people in worship, not to give a performance. I have to constantly remind myself to lay aside my pride and my need for approval. Pursue excellence, yes, but pursue excellence for the sake of effectively leading people into the throne room. Sometimes that means backing away from the mic. Sometimes that means not singing that fun riff that would sound good but would ultimately be a distraction. Sometimes that means being okay with missing a note or two. Sometimes that means lowering the key of a song so that the congregation can participate in worship, even though I may be capable of singing it a whole step higher. It’s not about me. 

My job as a vocalist is to worship the Lord and to invite people into worship with me. My singing should ultimately be a response to who God is and what He’s done. As the old Quaker hymn puts it so eloquently, “since love is Lord of heaven and earth, how can I keep from singing?”